Birthdays
<– This image reflects the mood portrayed in the post. Just so you’re warned.
They kind of suck. For me, at least. Well. My birthdays tend to suck. You’ll have to take my word on it, but just for a little taste, I spent the last one in the hospital. No cake, no party (unless you count my family sitting around with me on the couch. Which counts, but not in a “party” part kind of way. A fun party with friends, involving maybe a little bit of alcohol and me standing up), just me in the hospital from 1100 on the eve of my birthday until five in the morning. And no answers. Just a huge needle in my back.
I feel so frustrated with all the stupid medical things going on right now. I’m a healthy person–I get one cold or two a year, and I’m fine. So why, why WHY have I been having so many problems the last year? I’m getting really sick of it.
I don’t want to take time off school. I don’t think I need to. But I haven’t been able to stand up long enough to make it to all of my classes this quarter (I’ve made it to TWO classes out of SEVEN so far). Things like that make it easier to listen to my parents saying “take a quarter off. Save your grades the trouble of you screwing up some more”, and harder to listen to my own wants of GOING TO SCHOOL.
And yes, I know, that doesn’t seem like something I’d say (to those few who know me super well, at least). I know I fantasize constantly about dropping out, or taking time off, but in the end, that’s just a fantasy. I’m not really going to do it. I’ll be grumpy, whiny, fussy, see help, and continue going to school. As much as I hate school, I love learning way too much to quit now.
The kicker is sitting on my couch (laying, actually) and being in too much pain to pick up books, to go to the grocery store and get new yoghurt and eggs, hell, even to take out my trash or do dishes. I’m so sick of this. I’m tired of feeling like my body checked out and took a vacation. I’m still here, trying to function, damnit!
How’s that for a post from a whiny, fussy girl?
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